Crepuscular Creatures

April 1, 2024

 

Barnstormers,

Good morning! I write with exciting news as the sun rises over our campus.

As you may recall, Dr. Laurie Marker of the Cheetah Conservation Fund (CCF) visited Thaden last fall. Her inspiring presentation has since sparked extensive and ambitious discussions regarding what we might do to partner with the CCF in its global efforts to protect the cheetah population and its diminishing habitat. Today, I am delighted to announce that Thaden will become the first K-12 school in the world to join the CCF’s network of Cheetah Learning Centers.

By virtue of a generous grant from Frito-Lay®, the maker of Cheetos®, Thaden will offer a variety of educational programs to raise awareness and mobilize support for the CCF. Recognizing that we are most inspired to protect what we love, we will give our students the rare opportunity to cuddle and care for cheetahs right here at Thaden. This special program began just this morning with the release of two adult cheetahs and three adorable cubs into our campus habitat.  

Please review these safety tips before coming to school today. Think of them as our Cheetah Norms: 

• Cheetahs are crepuscular hunters: they are most predatory at dawn and dusk. For this reason, please exercise special caution if you find yourself walking on campus when the sun is rising or setting.

 

• During daylight hours, cheetahs will most likely sleep in the tall grasses that make our campus such an inviting habitat. Please refrain from chasing balls into these areas or otherwise disturbing cheetahs during extended nap time. Just enjoy their purring and move along quietly.  

 

• Running in the presence of a cheetah at any time is likely to trigger a predatory response that is impossible to escape: cheetahs are the world’s fastest land animals, reaching speeds of 70 MPH in just three seconds. Walk, don’t run, when you encounter one of these feline spring guns.

Cheetahs, especially cubs, are also very playful and will look for ways to show off their claws. Accordingly, we have installed scratching posts inside most classrooms. Later today students will also receive large balls of yarn, suffused with cheetah nip, that they may use to distract, amuse, and excite the cheetahs during advisory and lunch. Nurse Chrisco has also increased our supply of bandages, disinfectant, and sutures.   

Growing cheetahs also need protein, loads of it. Until we can stock our campus hunting grounds with non-primate forms of game (e.g., impala, antelope, warthogs), we will call on families and local farmers to donate equine and bovine carrion as substitutes for the fresher delicacies of the Serengeti that our fleet friends fancy. This spring Mr. Slaton will also launch a Community Based Learning Intensive, Flat Snacks for Hungry Cats, that will engage students in roadkill reclamation efforts that keep our streets clean and our kitties purring.

Thanks for embracing our Cheetah Norms as we introduce our students to the primal thrill of outdoor education. 

Together we walk – very slowly.

Clayton K. Marsh

Founding Head of School